Too Much Information

     Making it through the past couple of weeks has been a bit more difficult than I anticipated.  Our family friend Dan passed away very close to the anniversary of my own Father's death, and the demands of school in combination with my own state of being has been difficult to handle.  When you combine those issues with increasing financial pressure, and my inability to meet basic needs of our little household in that regard, it simply makes things very difficult.  I need to finish a semester, start a new one, and find a new apartment and move in short order.
     I think that unless you live it, it's very hard to explain the decisions you have to make as a single parent that have nothing to do with the self.  They are sometimes characterized as sacrifice, but how can that be when it is your duty?  I am not the innocent life that needs someone to nurture, and love them, and meet all of their needs. It's my sacred duty to take care of my son, and to do otherwise or waver from that for selfish reasons seems an abhorrent idea to me.  How anyone could walk away from such a responsibility is beyond anything I can imagine.  I think that this profound duty is why it weighs so heavily on me when I cannot do the things that I need to do for my son.  He has needs that are not being met at all, and there are things he deserves because he is such an amazing kid, and I cannot provide those things either.  How is it that such a responsible, intelligent, amazing kid, who works so hard, is required to go through this part of his life with such a difficult path?  Granted when compared to the world, he has it pretty good, but it all teeters on the edge of a knife, and despite popular belief, there is ridicule for those less fortunate, he doesn't bring those concerns to me anymore, but he used to, and I know they still go on.  He needs simple things like a medical checkup and dental work, or lunch money, or hangars for his closet.  He deserves things like a better flute, a yearbook, a car with insurance, and guitar strings just to name a few things in both categories.  Some are things I had when I was his age, and some are things that he really deserves above and beyond what I was given or had an ability to use, because he is a better kid than I ever was.  I don't know any other teenagers that pay for their lunch out of their own pocket, but there it is.  After fuel and car insurance we're living on about $30 per week give or take.  I just found out yesterday that unless Congress passes an extension of the current unemployment policy, my unemployment will run out the first week of January.  I've been job hunting in earnest for a bit now, and it's escalating even more, but I was hoping to get something a little better than a minimum wage grease pit.  If that's what I have to do though, I'll make that happen.
     I've had things to be very thankful for though, so it's not all bad.  Thanks to the kindness of a good friend, and action by my Mom, I am now back on a CPAP machine.  I was getting much more concerned than I let on about my health in that regard as I was constantly very sleepy, my mental acuity was slipping, I believe it affected my grades for a time, I was getting migraines, and the minor headaches were daily.  I think the effects were also counteracting any benefit I was getting from my blood pressure medicine.  Health is a huge concern going forward, and I have a plan in place to deal with that and the plan is a lifestyle change with nutrition and an exercise regimen in mind.  I don't know if people really understand why I need to build up to it mentally and why I don't just do it... today... I think it's very important for long term success if I spend some time in preparation.  This method worked well the only other time I attempted anything remotely like it, and I understand why it stopped.  It won't happen again.  In the next 3 years I plan to reach a much more ideal weight.  Hopefully the exercise and the process will not destroy my knees, but also hopefully, I'll be insured and making enough money by then to afford any corrective action in that realm.
     I guess I'm just putting all of this on my blog because unless I link a post to facebook, I don't think people really read this stuff, so I feel like these thoughts will remain in a place where I can go back and reference them, and they will still be somewhat private.  I needed to kind of type it all out as a way of well... putting things in black and white so I can see where I stand, and see what needs to be done.  I think it's clear that things are so precarious that it is pointless to even begin thinking about the loneliness that permeates my existence.  I do not have anyone close enough on a daily basis to be able to express these things or talk about them.  If I did it would be a bad thing to bring them down by just laying all of this stuff out there.  It's just too negative and stressful to utter really, even if there was a someone. Honestly I'm not sure if I would want to put anyone through this stuff along with me.  That would be a selfish act.  I'm not into those.
     I would like to think that things aren't as unstable as they appear, and that things will be fine.  I always used to say to myself; "things will turn out well", or "things will turn out as they should".  I can't do that this time.  Keegan's school and his future, and my future depend on what I do in the next few weeks, and at the most the next couple of months.  It's such a critical time, and there has never been so much at stake as there is now.  It's so strange to think that I have (with help) supported myself and my son for the past 16 months on less than $10k (If you don't count income tax returns and student loans and grants).  That in itself is quite a trick considering car insurance and fuel alone was around $3,350.00.
     This is the climax of the story, and everything else will be looked back at as rising or falling action.  A push in either direction could influence things to be triumphant or disaster.  If things do push through, and my every intense effort makes headway, and things turn out positive, then I imagine there will be a great sense of satisfaction, and it will push me into a good place I've never been before.  That being said, I'm already feeling worn slick, and if things go the other direction... I hate to even think it.  I couldn't even have gotten this far without the help of others, some of the help has even been well beyond what I could hope for or deserve.  I think that if things went badly it would take a very long time to pick up the pieces, and the path would be just that much harder.
     Y'know... I'm a smart guy.  I'm very stable and laid back.  I'm not a bad person.  I'm a good Dad.  Maybe better than good.  I respect people, and appreciate the things I have and I am thankful for each day, and all of my friends.  I relate well with everyone, and  I could be so very successful given the right opportunity.  People on at least one side of my family have ridiculed me for concentrating on my schoolwork and getting along without a job as long as I could.  I couldn't have gotten this far as well as I have without doing what I did.  More valuable than that, I've been able to really be there for my son in an important time in his life.  I was able to be there for him, and that means a lot, and was worth the sacrifice to this point.
     I will find somewhere flexible to work full time, and go to school full time, and try my best to get my son where he needs to be.  The logistics alone should be quite an adventure.  I think in terms of a big picture, and I may change my mind down the road one day, but for now, I think I've made good decisions.  As long as they don't come back and bite me, this is all for a brighter future in my book.  The best part about the whole thing is that one day I will be able to help others... and when that day comes, each day after that will be the same.  I will teach and I will inspire young people to better themselves and give them the confidence that they can achieve and go further in life than they suspect.  I will even be there for some kids who don't have parents that care as much as I do.  That is a worthy cause.  A cause worth any risk I've taken so far.  We are happy despite the stress, and despite the future unknown.  To this point things have gone according to plan, and life is good.  I appreciate every day so very much.  I did stop to smell the flowers, and it was worth every second.  I'm not changing now except to preserve what we have, and move forward.  Words can never express my thanks to those who have helped us get this far.
   

Literature Abstract for Essay #3

Fear Is The Mind Killer – It Is The Little Death


At The Mountains Of Madness – H.P. Lovecraft


I contend that H.P. Lovecraft used the psychology of fear of the unknown on the mind, to make his short stories and books into popular fiction. Lovecraft used the strange attraction of fear and drew the average person to his works. I will illustrate the method of the creation of fear is as important as the psychology of the fear in how it affects our brain. It was H.P. Lovecraft himself who said; “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” Lovecraft may not have completely understood the psychological forces as we understand it today, but with mental illnesses that permeated his family, he understood the power of fear, and how it affected the human mind on the surface. Lovecraft created the themes that are used constantly in modern Horror Fiction through subtle use of language, and the creation of an entire mythos using a combination of mythologies. The wonder and unknown of the ancient civilizations and myths are used as a force or a universe that is vast, making the reader feel small in a large unknown and unfamiliar place.


In order to understand the effect of fear on the brain, I will first examine how the phraseology and words in “At The Mountains of Madness” create fear. Lovecraft had an anachronistic way of life that fed the “unknowns” he was writing about. A fan of the macabre through the influence of Edgar Allen Poe, Lovecraft was able to set the mood efficiently, just like the works he came to love. Another of the most important aspects of creating fear was adding authenticity to his stories, and relating known and modern things to Lovecraft was considered an oddity during his life despite his growing fame, even among his colleagues, which added to the mystique of his works. Lovecraft’s technique of writing as though he was forced to write the Mountains of Madness, the first line in fact, immediately puts the reader into the mind … Baroque descriptions and carefully placed throughout the work is a key part of his ability to make the reader feel as though they are a small piece of the cosmos, and matter little to the monsters who lurk throughout the world. Subjective adjectives allow the reader’s mind to wander. The phrase “Rows of antique books” makes the reader think about the word antique, and when surrounded by the fear created elsewhere in the text, can draw the reader into imagining that the books themselves may have secret powers, secret words, or deep and forbidden knowledge. I will examine the literary tools used to create mood and different types of fear from a psychological point of view.
In addition to the method used to create fear, the psychological effects make us want to revisit that fear. I will examine the effect fear has on the brain, and why these tools of the literary trade stimulate fear in our minds, and why we want to return to that fear. I will answer the question of our desire to return to fear that gets under the skin of the average reader. I will use “The psychology of fear and stress” By Jeffrey Alan Gray to illustrate how fear effects the mind and mutates within our brain to keep us aware and alert. The parallel of real and imagined fear both affect the mind in powerful ways. Lovecraft uses many ways to amplify our fear of the unknown including completely alien pronunciations of mythical creatures and places.
I will conclude my paper with an examination of Lovecraft’s grasp of using the different types of fear, from the obvious, to the subtle, to trigger the fear region of the brain, and the existential method that Lovecraft uses throughout “At the Mountains of Madness” to bring his reader into the place of fear using the narration of the story. I will use an example and follow the path from the method of causing the fear, to the effect on the brain, to the outward perception, and inward examination that result in exposing the reader to fear. The attraction of fear will be examined through “Media entertainment: the psychology of its appeal” By Dolf Zillmann and Peter Vorderer and other resources, and I will justify my original contention that these methods were used to create a popular fiction that people continue to be entertained by nearly a century later.

H.P. Lovecraft Proposal for Psychoanalysis Paper

Proposal

The thesis I plan to argue is the short story "Mountains of Madness" by H.P. Lovecraft shows the author's use of fear is a mechanism that is psychologically exciting and attractive to the human psyche.  I will also illustrate his usage of this fear as a superior example of this in modern fiction.  As many consider Lovecraft to be the inspriation of much post-modern horror literature (of which I will provide examples), it will be an interesting analysis in that it is a genesis of sorts, of this type of fear.

            H.P. Lovecraft was unique in his encouragement toward other Authors to take up the gauntlet of his work where he leaves off, and thus an entire mythos was created based on his works and the world that ties his stories together.  In this way, the brand of fear he created permeates the works of many other authors.  I will explain the proliferation of the works of Lovecraft, and therefore the effect of the attraction of fear, throughout literature, pop culture, and other facets of our modern society.

It is my intent to show the popularity of fear throughout modern and post-modern times and how Lovecraft's work gives rise to parody, other branches of horror, and the desensitizing of the modern world through exposure.  My research will include the psychology of fear and horror, and the effect on the human brain through psychological analysis and how through influence of the literature of Lovecraft, other media has had similar effects.  I will show that his influence on modern horror was inevitable due to the strange attraction of Fear and Horror.

Duct Tape Bad - Gorilla Tape Good

     When Duct tape first came out, years and years ago, it was really good for many things because it had a good adhesive and the plastic tape material was of good quality.  Over the years, with the advent of new brands of duct tape, some even bowing to the mispronunciation of the word and calling themselves Duck Tape, it has become a sad product.  Cheaper and less effective adhesives, cheaper plastic formulas, and stylish packaging have turned this useful tool into a shadow of its former self.
     What made me think of this?  My closet door is a giant mirror that is about 6.5 ft. tall and about 3 ft. wide. It closes with a magnet that attaches to a wide metal strip on the back of the door that is attached on one side by a screw in the mirror frame.  The other end was originally taped to the back of the mirror with some sort of industrial tape (not duct tape), and it was partly torn already when we moved in.  Shortly thereafter the tape tore the rest of the way due to much pawing of Thomas the cat in attempts to open the door, and the metal strip kept pivoting downward and away from the magnet, so the door would not stay closed.  I used indoor/outdoor duct tape to reattach the mirror to the metal strip.  Sadly this did not last as the tape adhesive is weak, and it kept sliding down the tape without any excess heat or coaxing other than the cat trying to reach under the door and open it over and over.  I never replaced the strip of tape, but keep using the same strip to just keep trying to re-tape and keep the metal strip where it should be.
     That long explanation is basically just to say that it's annoying that the product is not what it used to be, and is a waste of money.  I do have Gorilla tape (made by the same people who make Gorilla Glue), and I do keep forgetting to use it on that piece, but I will.  Gorilla tape is amazing stuff.  It's easily better than the original duct tape.  I used two strips of Gorilla tape on a large piece of heavy plastic molding on a car along the car door.  The molding had become very stiff in its hanging position over time and was hard to even put back into the proper place and hold it there while taping.  Those two strips of tape held that molding on the outside of the car for over a year, through Summer heat over 100 degrees, rain, sleet, snow, and car washes.  The stuff is amazing.  It averages about $9 or so per large roll, but it's worth every penny when you compare what people pay for common crappy duct tape.
So that is my duct tape rant, and I feel better now.

Rest In Peace Dan Axtell

I will miss Dan very much.  He was a great example to me as a single father raising a son, and he did such a great job that it was an inspiration to me and boosted my confidence doing the same thing.  He did so much for my Mom and as a direct and indirect result, for my family, more than I could relay in words.  It doesn't seem real that he could be taken so quickly and so young.  I learned from Dan by his example, not to let things get to you, not sweating the small stuff.  His great sense of humor, and his ability to look at the big picture is something I will always value.  I will keep him in my i-phone contacts, but more importantly I will keep my memories of him close.  I only wish there were more of them.  What I wouldn't give to sit back with him at RenFest and enjoy some great food, a quality drink, and women in bodices.  Three things I know he enjoyed greatly.  We enjoyed several Thanksgivings together, and I remember how he saved one in particular.  I can safely say that the thing I will be most thankful for this coming thanksgiving are the years I enjoyed his friendship.  I lost my own Father on a November 11 years ago, and my heart goes out to you John.  The hardest moments are  upon us as the loss is so near, but we have the rest of our lives to celebrate his life, and he lives on in all of us who were close to him. Rest in peace.  You are in a better place.

Rorschach of London

Rorschach of London

London by William Blake Norton Introduction to Literature page 658

            Blake draws a stark and driving theme in regard to the harsh city of London.  The intimation that the city is harsh and cold and man-made for the purpose of pain and suffering cries out loud in each resounding line.  The poem forces the reader to feel the dirty streets of London and invites them to hear the raucous creatures that occupy the city with vapid souls or repressed persona.  The author is obviously the hero of the story, calling things as they are despite the fact that he may come to further harm by the oppressive city for his insolent cry.  A parallel can be drawn to the nuclear age, and the cold war, and the view of a society that is increasingly uncaring in cities that are dirty, crowded and harsh. It can be seen that no hope existed previously, nor will it in the future, or so it would seem from the observations made.

            Rather than a call for change, Blake seeks to expose London for what it is, and it could be imagined in his mind he was thinking; “These are the same mindless peasants from the past three hundred years, someone needs to put some truth in black and white so people can see where they live and desire change.”  He seems hopeless about the whole affair of man, and only seeks to illustrate observations that a man might encounter in London.  It seems like he feels that he has resorted to this brutal commentary out of desperation to force people to look at their life and their environment.  Blake tears down the very establishment that would be the savior of the people in times of trouble.  The Church and The Palace, normally the answer for the lowly when seeking solace or reform are themselves dying or dead authorities, with examples like; “Every black’ning Church appalls”, and “And the hapless Soldier’s sigh Runs in blood down Palace walls.”  There is no safety.

In modern literature, this gut check for a city reminds me of the character named Rorschach who was a washed up Super Hero from The Watchmen graphic novel by Alan Moore.   It is a set piece in 1985 during the cold war, and contained journal entries from his observations.  At one point he observes the aftermath and evidence of a car peeling out on top of a dog and the blood in the gutter, and goes on to embellish that the gutters were bursting with violence and blood, and equates whores to politicians, and remarks how the filth is overwhelming.  Rorschach said that one day they would cry out to him for help, and that he would answer; “No.”  This is a great parallel to that time and attitude displayed by Blake.  There is no place to hide from Nuclear weapons and fallout, and crime being rampant in the inner city, with no hope in sight, humanity loses a sense of itself, and becomes a beast of burden in an uncaring world.

            It seems as if, in this poem, Blake was observing every station a person has in life, and how the vile and corrupt city touched even the most innocent, from infants, to working class chimney-sweepers, to those in the hierarchy of royalty and the church.  The most innocent things one could conceive at that time such as the purity of an innocent child, or Newlyweds and the flowering of new love in a chaste marriage go on to be dragged through the street and equated with decay, suffering and death.  It is as if anything good at all will not escape being sullied by sadness as illustrated by tears, or physical discomfort and weakness, and even if the body were free of the plagues of the unclean things in the city, the people’s minds are manacled and imprisoned in thought as well as in their prison of filth.

            When compared to Ode to a Nightingale (Keats page 1031) we at least have a comparison of a lost youth and vitality.  Language and style of poetry are markedly different, but Keats romanticizes even death, and there is at least a person who lived, and life falls away with the passage of time.  The people observed in the city in Blake’s “London” come from uncaring man-made misery, and continue in that misery until death.  There was no glimmer of hope to be found, even by the most vital and optimistic Marriage.  A Marriage doomed to death and destruction by plague.

            Having this work out in the open during the romantic period of poetry, must have stood in stark contrast to the love poems being generated constantly.  It seems as if the poem was almost like the emergence of reality television in the 1990’s.  Where reality television was a breaking of the fourth wall, and an example of how everything else is just acting, Blake’s poem seems to say; “You are all wasting your time sniffing cut and dying flowers while you are buried up to your shoulders in the fecal matter that is London.”  It could be considered a call to each Englishman to stop living in a fantasy world, and get real, and fix things that need fixing.

            Gone were the days when the church was unquestioned, and when the crown was absolute authority.  When Blake wrote “London”, the English had put a century between themselves and Regicide as well as the unwieldy rule of Oliver Cromwell.  Continued failure by King and Church had put the country in a downward spiral.  The industrial revolution was just about to begin, but London itself was a “wretched hive of scum and villainy” (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope).  Blake would likely have hoped that this poem would be a call to arms to begin cleaning up London, cleaning up after repeated military blunders of the American Revolution and the constant military stress of the other English colonies, finally pushing England into poverty.  The line; “And the hapless Soldier’s sigh”, we can seek that Blake’s picture of the military was less than complimentary, but also implies the weariness of a misused military, and how the sighs of discontent and weariness are met with the walls of the Palace.  This is a picture of soldiers who are impotent to affect change, and meandering without real purpose.

 It was likely important to impart a vivid inspirational illustration of the problems London and England faced, and it is doubtful that anyone could fully disagree with Blake.  It is Blake who is calling on the Victim to become the Victor, simply by putting down in words the vile nature of the people’s habitat.

            Despite Rorschach’s claim that he would not help mankind in their hour of need, and even knowing his disgust with what humanity had brought upon itself, when it came down to a choice between maintaining a lie regarding the designed death of millions to force humanity to unite, and facing death himself, Rorschach chose death over dishonesty and treachery.  It is impossible to know for sure what Blake thought might happen to him after his less than flattering description of The Church, and The Crown.  Blake was unafraid to call things as they were, and to show the ugly truth.  He had no fear when he wrote, and would have likely died for his craft.  Both situations are a picture of a man who is trying to call attention to a problem that is affecting everyone.  It is no misguided generality that is being directed toward the powers that be.  Blake indicts the morality of the people, true, but he also illustrates that the people of London are in need.  That the people of London are marked by woe and fear, and fear threat of imprisonment and threat of harsh judgment coupled with death.  Night is a terrifying time in London, and whatever occurs in darkness steals innocence and destroys the pure.

            The imagery presented is pointed and clear in Blake’s poem.  London’s description would make any tourist fear traveling there; much like the average American would have feared travelling to Moscow in the 1980’s.  In this case, Blake’s case was only a small part propaganda, and in large part a good way to tell Londoners to take a look in the mirror, and to see what they had become.  If that image spurred them to action, then so much the better and the future may not be as bleak as the lack of hope in the poem.

Of Philosophy and Education Technology

About a week ago I got a private message from someone on facebook.  It has been a while, but I wanted to think about it before I decided to address it in my blog.  I think it needs to be addressed because there are a ton of other parents, or single parents out there who have gone back to school.  Whether because of job loss, or a desire to improve themselves, they have taken steps to further their education and make a better life.

I have to hand it to the person who wrote to me and congratulate them on the effort to make me feel bad about my choices.  It was lengthy and while their logic was flawed, it seemed sincere.  Were it not for all of the misspelled words and grammatical errors, it would have been a bit more cohesive, but I'll give their letter to me a C for effort.
 
They will remain nameless (dont' ask), and the post was deleted.  It was an accusation that by going to school, and by using financial aid, and other assistance, that I was bilking the system, and was accused of using "welfare" instead of working my butt off to make the bulk of my money.

Being a part of the Metropolitan Community College has some great benefits.  The support has been great so far, and while there were a few hiccups here and there, I'm still very thankful for everything.

Where else but a college atmosphere like my campus can you get Panera bagels n' stuff delivered weekly, have tons of activities to do, be a part of an amazing campus, help others in the community, have an opportunity to earn money, have access to knowledge worldwide through professional and periodical databases, have universal internet access, meet motivated intelligent people, get a great education, and still have time to relax once in a while.  I'm just feeling very fortunate and blessed.

I guess today as I was getting ready to go back to class on Monday, it occurred to me that when you are given an opportunity to improve yourself, and to enjoy doing so, you should not carry with it any guilt whatsoever.  We all strive to make a better life for ourselves and those we love.  If I can accomplish this task, with our without help from whatever source, and if I can be happy doing it, I should not feel bad because I'm not out there laboring hard to achieve the same goal.  Am I choosing an easy path?  Well possibly, but truly this is the only path available to me to achieve my ultimate goal, to be a teacher.

The one thing that person (or people) does not understand is that I worked in a service industry.  I worked for two years in Customer Service, and before that as a Lab Technician, and after that as a Pharmacy Tech.  In any of those jobs I had, the only way to rise higher, or get paid more was to go back to school.  That has been the case pretty much since I was much younger, left the fast food industry or labor jobs, and moved on to clerical work, for which I had earned a certificate at a college.  Without any sort of degree there are limitations to what you can accomplish in the fields I have worked in office environments.  More importantly, those jobs were tedious, and were stressful to the point that they were beginning to cause real issues.  I had a choice after losing one of those jobs.  I could reinvent myself in another industry, outside the service and clerical or medical field, and get a job doing something totally different, or I could go back to school, and get a degree in something I knew I would be very good at.  I tried other paths, and they didn't work for me, so this time I chose to do both.

I could have kept working dead end jobs, or really busting my butt in places I don't want to be, doing things I don't want to do, and who knows, maybe I'd even eventually bring home a giant paycheck.  That kind of money wouldn't be worth the paper it's printed on, at least to me.  My goals and desires mean much more to me that material things and money.  That hard and stressful job seems just as unrewarding to me as some consider my path to be.  It may boil down to the fact that some people truly enjoy struggling and laboring hard to get what they want, doing things they don't like.  In their mind, if you're not working, you're just a lazy layabout with no focus or goal in life, and no purpose. Well more power to them, you keep that hard stressful job that makes you feel important so you can look down on others.  Good for you!

Perhaps they get some sort of cathartic satisfaction out of that.  Maybe they are not able to achieve in academic ways, and that is their only choice.  Unfortunately many times these "hard workers" then feel entitled to look down on those who choose an academic path, and what they consider the easy way.  They enjoy poking fun at intellectual pursuits, or use of financial aid.  It becomes almost sort of a fun thing to poke fun or disrespect people who are trying to improve their lives by the means that suits them best.  I do not begrudge someone because they enjoy hard labor, and I have done quite a bit of it myself.  Why should I feel guilty for attempting to better myself through education and using the tools that are at my disposal to achieve my goals?

I know it was a bit redundant there, but I think it needed repeating.

The point is that it's up to me what to do with my life, and I'm not hurting anyone.  As a matter of fact my entire goal is to help people.  Why else would I volunteer to tutor people, work with kids who have no one to go home to, become a teacher who is going to educate the children of the very people who criticize my education and methods of getting it.  I was happy to add myself to the list of tutors in the English lab, and volunteer for Youth Friends.  I'm going to be working with kids for the rest of my life who need to know that it's not only OK, but it's good and preferable to stay in school and make a good life for themselves.  Is it because I'm applying for the things I qualify for while in school, like food stamps, or financial aid, or student loans?  Is it because I'm not laboring out in the hot sun, or sweating it out in some other job, and instead enjoying an air conditioned college atmosphere while I work and study?

I am very thankful I have this opportunity to achieve my goals.  Not everyone has this opportunity, and I get that.  If they think it's easy though, they had better look again.  Talk to Dr. Williams who teaches Psychology and Western Civilization at Maple Woods and ask him how easy his classes are, and how many hours of study per class hour you have to put in to make even a B in that class.  Talk to any college graduate and ask them how easy it was to get their degree, especially while raising a kid who is going through High School.  Sure we run a tight ship, and money is difficult at best, but we have an amazingly good life to show for it, and want for very little because to us, material things are less important than matters of spirit, and soul, and life, and fulfilling intellectual pursuits, and the relationships with the people around us who support us.  That's money right there in my book.

So to the person who wrote to me: I really am sorry that your life is not fulfilling enough to the point where you need to lash out at others.  I'm also sad that you cannot live and let others live as they would.  I'm sorry you feel that me taking advantage of social programs meant to help those working to improve their life is "taking advantage" of the system, or you, or other "hard working folks" in order to play and have fun.  I hope one day as I am teaching your child, or grandchild in school that you will realize that the teachers and the schools you value so much that benefit your family are here for you because of people like me.  It must be quite the luxury to sit back and judge others without having gone to college to get a degree in law yourself, or any degree for that matter.  My father was a businessman for the majority of my childhood.  While I have NEVER had trouble with the law or any sort of legal issues aside from traffic issues, I made poor choices that left me with jobs that put me below the poverty line while raising my child.  I devoted my life to making sure his was a good one instead of pursuing my own dreams.  He is now a 4.0 student, earning college credit right along side me as a Junior in High School, and has a bright future that will likely outshine the businessman that my father was, and he will accomplish leaps and bounds above what I will be able to do.  My son's life has shown me that I am an excellent teacher.  That is my best destiny, and I can be the best at that job.  Does it not make sense that I use the aid available to me to achieve my goals now so that I am not a burden on you "hard workers" later on?  I paid into these programs as much as anyone, and I am using that investment now to make a better life for what will likely be thousands of students for the next 20 to 30 years.  If you want to pick on me for that, you had better be able to deal with my friends and family, because they see the difference it is making in all of our lives even one semester after returning to school.  Three years from now I'll be teaching with a Bachelor's degree, and making a difference in the lives of children.  Can you make a boast even remotely as important?