Intermission

Quick post as the weekend's Christmas festivities begin.

This has been a decent break so far.  It could have been quite bad, but I'm thankful for the generosity of my friends.  I really do feel that I just go about sort of living my life day to day doing what seems right, and what seems to be important priority wise.  I don't know what inspires people to value me as they do, or what makes our mutual loyalty so great, but I'm very thankful for each day I get to spend with such amazing people.
It is my fond hope that all of these amazing people in my life are rewarded many times over for the kindness that I've been shown by their actions.  If ever I have the opportunity to help others in such a way, then I will not hesitate to do so.  I think that's what Christmas is about, and I think that's what my life is about.  I always felt that it is my purpose on this earth to bring happiness to others by whatever means possible.  Primarily I'm concerned with the future of my son, but my true hope is that his life is a legacy of kindness and generosity as he sees what a difference it has made in our lives.  Paying forward is something I would very much like to do, and if I get the chance, I will, but if for some reason my plan to do so is curtailed, it is my hope that this will occur in the life of my son.
I really think I've already received the greatest present I could ever hope for.
Happy Holidays everyone!

And so the Fall Semester Ends

Now that the Semester is over I turn to equally serious matters.  My fond hope is that Keegan does well on his finals.  He deserves great things, and what he is doing now will help him dramatically throughout his college career.  I wish I could reward him with a vehicle and insurance, but I found out how much insurance is for a teenager.  Wow!  Yeah, it's a delicate balance, logistics become difficult as his activities increase and my free time will decrease, and I don't want him to have to work so he can concentrate on his studies and get the best grades possible.  Still he needs to be able to have his own money, and learn more responsibilities.  It's really hard to know what to do, and which way to nudge him to help him the most.  He does have a paid Summer internship coming up in Oklahoma City this Summer, so hopefully that will all be the best possible thing for him.  As a matter of fact, it is a coveted internship, and it may be more important and influential than anything else he does in the next year aside from his final GPA.  It's all a very exciting time.  There's so much going on.

I assume that I will be getting at least one A this Semester, possibly two.  That will help my GPA, but not as much as the Springs semester will help it.  I still have an old grade from 7 or 8 years ago dragging my GPA way lower than it should be.  I'll be close to a 3.25 GPA after this Semester, but back when I first started taking classes I did well in a Math class, but due to illness, I was unable to get to the final, so rather than withdraw me from the class, I was given an actual F.  Yup... Hadn't seen one of those since High School.  That one grade over 6 other semesters of decent work has held my GPA hostage a little bit.  I get to finally replace that grade in the Spring semester.  My GPA should jump, and I'll start qualifying for all sorts of scholarship money.

Now on to the Apartment / House rental search, and job search, and enjoying the lack of homework for the next 4 weeks.  Ain't nothin' goin' on but the rent!

Final Essay - At The Mountains Of Madness

Fear Is The Mind Killer – It Is The Little Death

At The Mountains Of Madness – H.P. Lovecraft

I contend that H.P. Lovecraft used the psychology of fear of the unknown on the mind, to make his short stories and books into popular fiction. Lovecraft used the strange attraction of fear and drew the average person to his works. I will illustrate the method of the creation of fear is as important as the psychology of the fear in how it affects our brain. It was H.P. Lovecraft himself who said; “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” (Lovecraft 1) Lovecraft may not have completely understood the psychological forces as we understand it today, but with mental illnesses throughout his family, he understood the power of fear, and how it affected the human mind on the surface. Lovecraft created the themes that are used constantly in modern Horror Fiction through subtle use of language, and the creation of an entire mythos using a combination of mythologies. The wonder and unknown of the ancient civilizations and myths are used as a force or a universe that is vast, making the reader feel small in a large unknown and unfamiliar place.

Fear and memory have a special relationship. Lovecraft keys on this relationship in his text by examining things on the scientific expedition through a historical perspective and suggesting that we are actually delving into the memory of the earth itself. G. Stanley Hall talks about fear of this kind in “A Synthetic Genetic Study of Fear” when referring to the memory y of a child. Being thrown into the air as an infant is not unlike a teenager on a rollercoaster, the fear is exciting and fun, and it stays in our memory as such. It can set up a desire for more of the same, but in some cases, given the right circumstance, this excitement becomes real fear, and has the opposite effect. Hall says; “It is always exciting and nearly all children love it up to a point (varying greatly with the extent of movement, who is responsible for it, a trusted friend or stranger, and especially with the diathesis of the child), beyond which it becomes a fear or perhaps a terror, causing shrieks and even convulsions, making the child forever after hate or fly and hide from those who toss it.” (Hall 322). In this one example we can see both the thrill of something fearful, and how it can easily turn to dread. Placed in our memories in this way, Lovecraft seeks to extract that same emotion from his readers by evoking the immensity of the unknown, and make the reader feel as though they are falling into a place where there is no familiarity. Lovecraft eases the reader into the unknown almost without them knowing by using a 2nd person perspective; “He spoke of the ineffable majesty of the whole scene, and the queer state of his sensations at being in the lee of vast silent pinnacles whose ranks shot up like a wall reaching the sky at the world’s rim. Atwood’s theodolite observations had placed the height of the five tallest peaks at from 30,000 to 34,000 feet.” Lovecraft goes on to describe a 700 mile long glacial void. These numbers were beyond imagining for most during the time period in which it was written. Pleasure becomes terror as the reader, who was previously wrapped in the comfort of scientific explanation and the known world is thrust into a new world where science and logic give way to true horrors both ancient and unfamiliar in landscapes vast and uncharitable, and ancient beyond comprehension. Part of the way H.P. Lovecraft does this is to mention previous explorers who had previously explored Antarctica.

It is entirely possible that Lovecraft use G. Stanley Hall’s aforementioned work to great effect in his own writings. Having been published in 1914 it would have been a book readily available in the large library Lovecraft had access to growing up. This representation of the psychology of fear is not dissimilar. Hall compared our experience before birth in the uterus to our development as a species from other forms of life through evolution saying; “Our ancestors floated and swam long before they had limbs, and they breathed by gill slits, which the foetus reproduces long before the development of lungs,” he then goes on to imply some are actually born with these vestiges as abnormalities, and says; “Although we cannot demonstrate rudimentary organs, we may not in fact have before us here some of the very oldest elements of our psychic life, reminiscent echoes of the primeval sea, on the other hand, and vestiges of dendritic life on the other, a pristine outcrop of the factor of the space sense itself.” (Hall 325) This explanation and description is not at all dissimilar to the language used by Lovecraft to explain the unknown “old ones” and creatures in his stories. Furthermore we can look at the way in which Hall describes the movement of an infant; “it creeps in many ways, forward, backward, sideways, also hitches, rolls and crawled, and even after it has just learned to walk may, if in a hurry, revert to creeping, or if in a great hurry, to the still more primitive and still faster method of rolling.” In this we can see more similarities in the way Lovecraft describes the movements of these ancient creatures who once ruled over the Earth in “At The Mountains Of Madness”. This grotesque description of growth, movement, and later, the psychological effects, could have had a great influence on the works of H.P. Lovecraft and helped him create fear on a base level that he hoped would strike a chord in our ancestral memory in some sort of psychic fashion as described in the work of Hall. Considering how his work was received since shortly after his death, the analysis holds true for many fans of Lovecraft, and the fear he created through these perceived processes grew into an entire Historical Society celebrating his works, and embracing the ideal.

As a father figure to modern Science Fiction and Horror, we can see Lovecraft begin with a premise of known facts and quantifiable data in order to create a viable reality in which to set a story of things unbelievable. Andrew Leman, in his work “In The Time Of H.P. Lovecraft” that Lovecraft spent time in the; “British Museum, diligently combing through science journals, magazines, and newspapers going back as far as 1779, collecting stories of strange occurrences for which there was no satisfactory scientific explanation, making cryptic notes to himself on thousands of small slips of paper.” (Leman 1) This was a genesis of the unexplained for Lovecraft. It was the establishment of the unexplained in the midst of what was plainly normal that allowed for great contrast. The Royal Society authors tell us; “The neuropsychological findings often show differentially severe impairment of fear recognition after amygdala damage, but it is seldom only fear that is affected.” (The Royal Society 1) The authors go on to imply that indeed the amygdala is part of the brain that responds to fear, and also allows coping with trauma. A good example is in the television show “Firefly”. Viewers see the character River Tam who has had her amygdala stripped as an experiment, this fact was first revealed in the episode Ariel. Her inability to cope is apparent, and her fear reactions are unstable at best because she was altered to the point where she was able to feel everything all at once including an empathic sense to those around her. She was built as a weapon because she had no fear once her coping mechanism was resolved later in the feature film “Serenity”.

It is further knowledge from other psychological research throughout history that explains the activation of fear of the unknown that causes human fight or flight in a crisis. The sheer scale used in Lovecraft’s work is part of what made mankind feel like a very tiny piece of a vast unlimited universe filled with mystery and the unknown. There was a sudden realization that even the alien Old Ones in Lovecraft’s work, who by their own right are most unnatural in appearance and composition, had a fear of an even more terrifying assortment of creatures that were even more frightening. This gives “At The Mountains Of Madness” many layers of the fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown is still the same today as it was at the time At The Mountains Of Madness was released. Otto Brandt tells us of the unreasonable fears humans have over research, the location of biology labs, and even the tilt of the earth’s axis. It is just as much a fear of what may happen based on experience, as it is fear of true unknown things that compels mankind to both pursue the unknown, and run from it. Even with the advent of scientific discovery, there is always a theorist who imagines how the new discovery could destroy mankind. Even technology that has not been invented yet, such as nanotechnology were the center of discussion on a possible apocalyptic scenario involving out of control procreation of nanites resulting in the Grey Ooze Theory. (Phoenix, Drexler Briefing). It’s no surprise that Lovecraft is able to go the opposite direction and use things from prehistoric time and bring them into his literature as the unknown in the present. The sheer scale used in Lovecraft’s work is part of what made mankind feel like a very tiny piece of a vast unlimited universe filled with mystery and the unknown.

To see how the fear Lovecraft creates in At The Mountains Of Madness is attractive to a broad audience, we need look no further than the ongoing sales of both this book, and his related works. There is also the matter of the film attempts at the story that are the same or similar. Currently James Cameron and Guillermo del Toro are working on the film for a 2013 release that is sure to rake in over 100 Million dollars. Just about every film involving ancient astronauts owes their inception to At The Mountains Of Madness. Films, horror and sci-fi alike, owe a great deal to Lovecraft as they reap the unknown in their exploration of the unknown in Antarctica. Films like John Carpenter’s The Thing and the 2011 sequel rely heavily on At The Mountains Of Madness. Ridley Scott, Neill Gaiman, and countless other film makers and writers have used the same type of fear to attract millions of audience members and hundreds of millions of dollars.

There remains a good question based on all of the attraction in literature, film and other media. The love and attraction of fear and horror can be explained by the same fight or flight part of the brain, the amygdala. Leslie Fink of Live Science talks about this very attraction and also quotes New York University neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux; “So far, though, the amygdala has the upper hand in the fear response. "This may explain why, once an emotion is aroused, it is so hard for us to turn it off," he says. If we like that sort of thing, it may account for why we’re so eager to turn it back on again.” In the Fink article, LeDoux also says; “If you have a good imagination, you can connect to your hardwired fears simply by thinking about a scary situation.” It seems that memory allows humans to replay scary situations, or scenes in their heads to get the same emotional response. It is also easy to see that the attraction to get the same emotional stimulus is what drives people to read, or re-read the same types of material, or use other media for the same response.

The final thing that ties Lovecraft’s creation of fear together in his novel is word choice and descriptive terminology for all senses and emotions. For example Lovecraft writes; “I think that both of us simultaneously cried out in mixed awe, wonder, terror and disbelief in our own senses as we finally cleared the pass and saw what lay beyond.” (Lovecraft 245) All of these very descriptive emotions simultaneously by two characters illustrate how Lovecraft pulls out all the stops in an attempt to create a heightened sense of things. In the same paragraph; “…as our eyes swept that limitless, tempest-scarred plateau and grasped the almost endless labyrinth of colossal, regular, and geometrically eurhythmic stone masses which reared their crumbled and pitted crests above a glacial sheet not more than forty or fifty feet deep at its thickets and in places obviously thinner.” The sheer amount of descriptors per page is a lot to take in as a reader, and while many readers are engrossed in the story and absorb them properly, the ability to take these in as they were intended wanes over time as the reader is overloaded with adjectives. That being said, it is interesting how Lovecraft’s choice of words give real scope and meaning to the objects, places, or emotions involved in any given part of the story. It is a tactic used by so many authors who came after him, but so few authors before him. This color of literature has a genesis, and that beginning in the genres of Horror and Science Fiction lies primarily with Lovecraft. His idol and inspiration, Edgar Allan Poe was a schoolmaster in the creation of mood. Lovecraft stood on his shoulders and generated an extraordinary display of language arts, imagination, and brilliant story-telling that resulted in a master of Horror. Lovecraft’s legacy will live on for centuries as his stories are expanded on, retold, role-played, revered, worshipped, and parodied. A brilliant success that he never lived to see, the billions of dollars generated by his genius is a good testament to those of us who have the pleasure to delve into the world of H.P. Lovecraft. The addictive fear of an unimaginable universe is ours to share, and it is easy to see why that fear is made so potent through the pen of the original Master of Horror.











Bibliography

Lovecraft, H. P. Supernatural Horror in Literature. New York: Abramson, 1945. Print.

"General: Stanley Hall. A Synthetic Genetic Study of Fear. American Journal of Psychology, Vol. XXV, April and July 1914, Pp. 149, 321." PEP Web. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=ijp.003.0335a>.

Phillips, Adam. Terrors and Experts. Cambridge, MA: Harvard UP, 1996. Print.

Navarette, Susan J. The Shape of Fear: Horror and the Fin De Siècle Culture of Decadence. Lexington: University of Kentucky, 1998. Print.

Morse, Josiah. The Psychology and Neurology of Fear. Worcester, MA: Clark UP, 1907. Print.

Hull, Thomas. "H.P. Lovecraft: A Horror In Higher Dimensions." Mathematical Association of America 13.3 (2006): 1+. JSTOR. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http:// http://www.jstor.org/stable/25678597>.

Leman, Andrew. "In The Time Of Lovecraft." Cthulhulives.org. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, 1999. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http://www.cthulhulives.org/ITTOL/ITTOL8.pdf>.

Reiner Sprengelmeyer, Andrew W. Young, Ulrike Schroeder, Peter G. Grossenbacher, Jens Federlein, Thomas Büttner and Horst Przuntek Proceedings: Biological Sciences , Vol. 266, No. 1437 (Dec. 22, 1999), pp. 2451-2456 Published by: The Royal Society Article Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/1353811

Whedon, Joss. "Firefly." Firefly. Fox. Fox, 15 Nov. 2002. Television.

Serenity. Dir. Joss Whedon. By Joss Whedon. Prod. Barry Mendel. Perf. Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, and Morena Baccarin. Universal Pictures, 2005.

“Fear of the Unknown?” Otto A. Brandt Science News , Vol. 133, No. 20 (May 14, 1988), p. 307 Published by: Society for Science & the Public Article Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/3972384

Phoenix, Chris, and Eric Drexler. "Nanotechnology: Grey Goo Is a Small Issue."Nanotechnology Research. Center for Responsible Nanotechnology, Aug. 2004. Web. 14 Dec. 2011. <http://www.crnano.org/BD-Goo.htm>.

The Thing. Dir. John Carpenter. Perf. Kurt Russell. MCA Universal, 1982. Film.

Fink, Leslie. "Horror Movies: Why People Love Them | LiveScience." Science News – Science Articles and Current Events | LiveScience. Live Science, 6 Nov. 2009. Web. 14 Dec. 2011. <http://www.livescience.com/7949-horror-movies-people-love.html>.

Lovecraft, H. P. At the Mountains of Madness: and Other Weird Tales. New York: Barnes & Noble, 2009. Print.

My Lovecraft Annotated Bibliography

Fear: The Mind Killer, The Little Death


H.P. Lovecraft: At The Mountains Of Madness


Annotated Bibliography


Freeland, Cynthia A. The Naked and the Undead: Evil and the Appeal of Horror. Boulder, CO: Westview, 2000. Print..


Freeland examines what the possible nature of evil is in relation to horror. She examines the complexity of fear, how we cope with death in relation to horror, and the various and interesting depths achieved emotionally by horror when it comes to our human limitations. She looks at the flesh vs. the soul and examines whether or not horror is simply a shallow depiction of evil, or something more. She examines the question of beauty in evil, and the question of whether it is concieved in a way that we can cognitively engage in an intellectual way. Freeland examines the asthetic appeal registered in our brain versus the physical response as part of a natural process. This will give a framework of horror and fear from which to work.


Freeland, Cynthia A. The Naked and the Undead: Evil and the Appeal of Horror. Boulder, CO: Westview, 2000. Print.


Phillips examines fear as something having value, possibly even an ultimate or supreme value. There is a discussion in relation to fear that can validate our own life. There is an analysis from an existential point of view from Sartre, as well as a search for truth in the text Phillips conveys. He uses direct psychoanalysis done by Freud and Klein. I will use this text to show how Lovecraft creates fear through repetition of certain words in his literature to imply something is recognizable and how it separates the familiar from the unfamiliar as well as the effect of fear on the human psyche.


Morse, Josiah. "Emotional States Allied To Fear. Page 108." The Psychology and Neurology of Fear. Worcester, MA: Clark UP, 1907. Print.


This was published before Lovecraft’s work, so I hope to use the excerpt listed to examine fear from the point of view available to Lovecraft at the time he wrote his literature. Morse defines Horror as an altruistic fear and how it is strong in those who are particularly sensitive or sympathetic. There are other definitions in the book that might have been examined by Lovecraft. This will help me to see what Lovecraft may have been aiming for when it comes to fear at the time he wrote At The Mountains Of Madness. The psychological point of view of several emotions examined by Morse and used in Lovecraft’s literature could be used to intensify the feeling of fear. I will relate these in the essay to the other pieces of psychoanalysis.


Navarette, Susan J. The Shape of Fear: Horror and the Fin De Siècle Culture of Decadence. Lexington: University of Kentucky, 1998. Print.


Navarette proposes that in order to write about decadence, one must imitate Lovecraft just as he imitated fin de siècle horror. She goes on to talk about constructing fear in a way where our natural human instincts are connected to memories of fright. She talks about fear being the richest source of evidence of the human instinct. This will be a good book to use to explain how fear affects us from a mind altering instinctual standpoint, and how it affects our thought process. I will use this to examine Lovecraft’s use of fear to queue our instinct.

Too Much Information

     Making it through the past couple of weeks has been a bit more difficult than I anticipated.  Our family friend Dan passed away very close to the anniversary of my own Father's death, and the demands of school in combination with my own state of being has been difficult to handle.  When you combine those issues with increasing financial pressure, and my inability to meet basic needs of our little household in that regard, it simply makes things very difficult.  I need to finish a semester, start a new one, and find a new apartment and move in short order.
     I think that unless you live it, it's very hard to explain the decisions you have to make as a single parent that have nothing to do with the self.  They are sometimes characterized as sacrifice, but how can that be when it is your duty?  I am not the innocent life that needs someone to nurture, and love them, and meet all of their needs. It's my sacred duty to take care of my son, and to do otherwise or waver from that for selfish reasons seems an abhorrent idea to me.  How anyone could walk away from such a responsibility is beyond anything I can imagine.  I think that this profound duty is why it weighs so heavily on me when I cannot do the things that I need to do for my son.  He has needs that are not being met at all, and there are things he deserves because he is such an amazing kid, and I cannot provide those things either.  How is it that such a responsible, intelligent, amazing kid, who works so hard, is required to go through this part of his life with such a difficult path?  Granted when compared to the world, he has it pretty good, but it all teeters on the edge of a knife, and despite popular belief, there is ridicule for those less fortunate, he doesn't bring those concerns to me anymore, but he used to, and I know they still go on.  He needs simple things like a medical checkup and dental work, or lunch money, or hangars for his closet.  He deserves things like a better flute, a yearbook, a car with insurance, and guitar strings just to name a few things in both categories.  Some are things I had when I was his age, and some are things that he really deserves above and beyond what I was given or had an ability to use, because he is a better kid than I ever was.  I don't know any other teenagers that pay for their lunch out of their own pocket, but there it is.  After fuel and car insurance we're living on about $30 per week give or take.  I just found out yesterday that unless Congress passes an extension of the current unemployment policy, my unemployment will run out the first week of January.  I've been job hunting in earnest for a bit now, and it's escalating even more, but I was hoping to get something a little better than a minimum wage grease pit.  If that's what I have to do though, I'll make that happen.
     I've had things to be very thankful for though, so it's not all bad.  Thanks to the kindness of a good friend, and action by my Mom, I am now back on a CPAP machine.  I was getting much more concerned than I let on about my health in that regard as I was constantly very sleepy, my mental acuity was slipping, I believe it affected my grades for a time, I was getting migraines, and the minor headaches were daily.  I think the effects were also counteracting any benefit I was getting from my blood pressure medicine.  Health is a huge concern going forward, and I have a plan in place to deal with that and the plan is a lifestyle change with nutrition and an exercise regimen in mind.  I don't know if people really understand why I need to build up to it mentally and why I don't just do it... today... I think it's very important for long term success if I spend some time in preparation.  This method worked well the only other time I attempted anything remotely like it, and I understand why it stopped.  It won't happen again.  In the next 3 years I plan to reach a much more ideal weight.  Hopefully the exercise and the process will not destroy my knees, but also hopefully, I'll be insured and making enough money by then to afford any corrective action in that realm.
     I guess I'm just putting all of this on my blog because unless I link a post to facebook, I don't think people really read this stuff, so I feel like these thoughts will remain in a place where I can go back and reference them, and they will still be somewhat private.  I needed to kind of type it all out as a way of well... putting things in black and white so I can see where I stand, and see what needs to be done.  I think it's clear that things are so precarious that it is pointless to even begin thinking about the loneliness that permeates my existence.  I do not have anyone close enough on a daily basis to be able to express these things or talk about them.  If I did it would be a bad thing to bring them down by just laying all of this stuff out there.  It's just too negative and stressful to utter really, even if there was a someone. Honestly I'm not sure if I would want to put anyone through this stuff along with me.  That would be a selfish act.  I'm not into those.
     I would like to think that things aren't as unstable as they appear, and that things will be fine.  I always used to say to myself; "things will turn out well", or "things will turn out as they should".  I can't do that this time.  Keegan's school and his future, and my future depend on what I do in the next few weeks, and at the most the next couple of months.  It's such a critical time, and there has never been so much at stake as there is now.  It's so strange to think that I have (with help) supported myself and my son for the past 16 months on less than $10k (If you don't count income tax returns and student loans and grants).  That in itself is quite a trick considering car insurance and fuel alone was around $3,350.00.
     This is the climax of the story, and everything else will be looked back at as rising or falling action.  A push in either direction could influence things to be triumphant or disaster.  If things do push through, and my every intense effort makes headway, and things turn out positive, then I imagine there will be a great sense of satisfaction, and it will push me into a good place I've never been before.  That being said, I'm already feeling worn slick, and if things go the other direction... I hate to even think it.  I couldn't even have gotten this far without the help of others, some of the help has even been well beyond what I could hope for or deserve.  I think that if things went badly it would take a very long time to pick up the pieces, and the path would be just that much harder.
     Y'know... I'm a smart guy.  I'm very stable and laid back.  I'm not a bad person.  I'm a good Dad.  Maybe better than good.  I respect people, and appreciate the things I have and I am thankful for each day, and all of my friends.  I relate well with everyone, and  I could be so very successful given the right opportunity.  People on at least one side of my family have ridiculed me for concentrating on my schoolwork and getting along without a job as long as I could.  I couldn't have gotten this far as well as I have without doing what I did.  More valuable than that, I've been able to really be there for my son in an important time in his life.  I was able to be there for him, and that means a lot, and was worth the sacrifice to this point.
     I will find somewhere flexible to work full time, and go to school full time, and try my best to get my son where he needs to be.  The logistics alone should be quite an adventure.  I think in terms of a big picture, and I may change my mind down the road one day, but for now, I think I've made good decisions.  As long as they don't come back and bite me, this is all for a brighter future in my book.  The best part about the whole thing is that one day I will be able to help others... and when that day comes, each day after that will be the same.  I will teach and I will inspire young people to better themselves and give them the confidence that they can achieve and go further in life than they suspect.  I will even be there for some kids who don't have parents that care as much as I do.  That is a worthy cause.  A cause worth any risk I've taken so far.  We are happy despite the stress, and despite the future unknown.  To this point things have gone according to plan, and life is good.  I appreciate every day so very much.  I did stop to smell the flowers, and it was worth every second.  I'm not changing now except to preserve what we have, and move forward.  Words can never express my thanks to those who have helped us get this far.
   

Literature Abstract for Essay #3

Fear Is The Mind Killer – It Is The Little Death


At The Mountains Of Madness – H.P. Lovecraft


I contend that H.P. Lovecraft used the psychology of fear of the unknown on the mind, to make his short stories and books into popular fiction. Lovecraft used the strange attraction of fear and drew the average person to his works. I will illustrate the method of the creation of fear is as important as the psychology of the fear in how it affects our brain. It was H.P. Lovecraft himself who said; “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” Lovecraft may not have completely understood the psychological forces as we understand it today, but with mental illnesses that permeated his family, he understood the power of fear, and how it affected the human mind on the surface. Lovecraft created the themes that are used constantly in modern Horror Fiction through subtle use of language, and the creation of an entire mythos using a combination of mythologies. The wonder and unknown of the ancient civilizations and myths are used as a force or a universe that is vast, making the reader feel small in a large unknown and unfamiliar place.


In order to understand the effect of fear on the brain, I will first examine how the phraseology and words in “At The Mountains of Madness” create fear. Lovecraft had an anachronistic way of life that fed the “unknowns” he was writing about. A fan of the macabre through the influence of Edgar Allen Poe, Lovecraft was able to set the mood efficiently, just like the works he came to love. Another of the most important aspects of creating fear was adding authenticity to his stories, and relating known and modern things to Lovecraft was considered an oddity during his life despite his growing fame, even among his colleagues, which added to the mystique of his works. Lovecraft’s technique of writing as though he was forced to write the Mountains of Madness, the first line in fact, immediately puts the reader into the mind … Baroque descriptions and carefully placed throughout the work is a key part of his ability to make the reader feel as though they are a small piece of the cosmos, and matter little to the monsters who lurk throughout the world. Subjective adjectives allow the reader’s mind to wander. The phrase “Rows of antique books” makes the reader think about the word antique, and when surrounded by the fear created elsewhere in the text, can draw the reader into imagining that the books themselves may have secret powers, secret words, or deep and forbidden knowledge. I will examine the literary tools used to create mood and different types of fear from a psychological point of view.
In addition to the method used to create fear, the psychological effects make us want to revisit that fear. I will examine the effect fear has on the brain, and why these tools of the literary trade stimulate fear in our minds, and why we want to return to that fear. I will answer the question of our desire to return to fear that gets under the skin of the average reader. I will use “The psychology of fear and stress” By Jeffrey Alan Gray to illustrate how fear effects the mind and mutates within our brain to keep us aware and alert. The parallel of real and imagined fear both affect the mind in powerful ways. Lovecraft uses many ways to amplify our fear of the unknown including completely alien pronunciations of mythical creatures and places.
I will conclude my paper with an examination of Lovecraft’s grasp of using the different types of fear, from the obvious, to the subtle, to trigger the fear region of the brain, and the existential method that Lovecraft uses throughout “At the Mountains of Madness” to bring his reader into the place of fear using the narration of the story. I will use an example and follow the path from the method of causing the fear, to the effect on the brain, to the outward perception, and inward examination that result in exposing the reader to fear. The attraction of fear will be examined through “Media entertainment: the psychology of its appeal” By Dolf Zillmann and Peter Vorderer and other resources, and I will justify my original contention that these methods were used to create a popular fiction that people continue to be entertained by nearly a century later.

H.P. Lovecraft Proposal for Psychoanalysis Paper

Proposal

The thesis I plan to argue is the short story "Mountains of Madness" by H.P. Lovecraft shows the author's use of fear is a mechanism that is psychologically exciting and attractive to the human psyche.  I will also illustrate his usage of this fear as a superior example of this in modern fiction.  As many consider Lovecraft to be the inspriation of much post-modern horror literature (of which I will provide examples), it will be an interesting analysis in that it is a genesis of sorts, of this type of fear.

            H.P. Lovecraft was unique in his encouragement toward other Authors to take up the gauntlet of his work where he leaves off, and thus an entire mythos was created based on his works and the world that ties his stories together.  In this way, the brand of fear he created permeates the works of many other authors.  I will explain the proliferation of the works of Lovecraft, and therefore the effect of the attraction of fear, throughout literature, pop culture, and other facets of our modern society.

It is my intent to show the popularity of fear throughout modern and post-modern times and how Lovecraft's work gives rise to parody, other branches of horror, and the desensitizing of the modern world through exposure.  My research will include the psychology of fear and horror, and the effect on the human brain through psychological analysis and how through influence of the literature of Lovecraft, other media has had similar effects.  I will show that his influence on modern horror was inevitable due to the strange attraction of Fear and Horror.

Duct Tape Bad - Gorilla Tape Good

     When Duct tape first came out, years and years ago, it was really good for many things because it had a good adhesive and the plastic tape material was of good quality.  Over the years, with the advent of new brands of duct tape, some even bowing to the mispronunciation of the word and calling themselves Duck Tape, it has become a sad product.  Cheaper and less effective adhesives, cheaper plastic formulas, and stylish packaging have turned this useful tool into a shadow of its former self.
     What made me think of this?  My closet door is a giant mirror that is about 6.5 ft. tall and about 3 ft. wide. It closes with a magnet that attaches to a wide metal strip on the back of the door that is attached on one side by a screw in the mirror frame.  The other end was originally taped to the back of the mirror with some sort of industrial tape (not duct tape), and it was partly torn already when we moved in.  Shortly thereafter the tape tore the rest of the way due to much pawing of Thomas the cat in attempts to open the door, and the metal strip kept pivoting downward and away from the magnet, so the door would not stay closed.  I used indoor/outdoor duct tape to reattach the mirror to the metal strip.  Sadly this did not last as the tape adhesive is weak, and it kept sliding down the tape without any excess heat or coaxing other than the cat trying to reach under the door and open it over and over.  I never replaced the strip of tape, but keep using the same strip to just keep trying to re-tape and keep the metal strip where it should be.
     That long explanation is basically just to say that it's annoying that the product is not what it used to be, and is a waste of money.  I do have Gorilla tape (made by the same people who make Gorilla Glue), and I do keep forgetting to use it on that piece, but I will.  Gorilla tape is amazing stuff.  It's easily better than the original duct tape.  I used two strips of Gorilla tape on a large piece of heavy plastic molding on a car along the car door.  The molding had become very stiff in its hanging position over time and was hard to even put back into the proper place and hold it there while taping.  Those two strips of tape held that molding on the outside of the car for over a year, through Summer heat over 100 degrees, rain, sleet, snow, and car washes.  The stuff is amazing.  It averages about $9 or so per large roll, but it's worth every penny when you compare what people pay for common crappy duct tape.
So that is my duct tape rant, and I feel better now.

Rest In Peace Dan Axtell

I will miss Dan very much.  He was a great example to me as a single father raising a son, and he did such a great job that it was an inspiration to me and boosted my confidence doing the same thing.  He did so much for my Mom and as a direct and indirect result, for my family, more than I could relay in words.  It doesn't seem real that he could be taken so quickly and so young.  I learned from Dan by his example, not to let things get to you, not sweating the small stuff.  His great sense of humor, and his ability to look at the big picture is something I will always value.  I will keep him in my i-phone contacts, but more importantly I will keep my memories of him close.  I only wish there were more of them.  What I wouldn't give to sit back with him at RenFest and enjoy some great food, a quality drink, and women in bodices.  Three things I know he enjoyed greatly.  We enjoyed several Thanksgivings together, and I remember how he saved one in particular.  I can safely say that the thing I will be most thankful for this coming thanksgiving are the years I enjoyed his friendship.  I lost my own Father on a November 11 years ago, and my heart goes out to you John.  The hardest moments are  upon us as the loss is so near, but we have the rest of our lives to celebrate his life, and he lives on in all of us who were close to him. Rest in peace.  You are in a better place.

Rorschach of London

Rorschach of London

London by William Blake Norton Introduction to Literature page 658

            Blake draws a stark and driving theme in regard to the harsh city of London.  The intimation that the city is harsh and cold and man-made for the purpose of pain and suffering cries out loud in each resounding line.  The poem forces the reader to feel the dirty streets of London and invites them to hear the raucous creatures that occupy the city with vapid souls or repressed persona.  The author is obviously the hero of the story, calling things as they are despite the fact that he may come to further harm by the oppressive city for his insolent cry.  A parallel can be drawn to the nuclear age, and the cold war, and the view of a society that is increasingly uncaring in cities that are dirty, crowded and harsh. It can be seen that no hope existed previously, nor will it in the future, or so it would seem from the observations made.

            Rather than a call for change, Blake seeks to expose London for what it is, and it could be imagined in his mind he was thinking; “These are the same mindless peasants from the past three hundred years, someone needs to put some truth in black and white so people can see where they live and desire change.”  He seems hopeless about the whole affair of man, and only seeks to illustrate observations that a man might encounter in London.  It seems like he feels that he has resorted to this brutal commentary out of desperation to force people to look at their life and their environment.  Blake tears down the very establishment that would be the savior of the people in times of trouble.  The Church and The Palace, normally the answer for the lowly when seeking solace or reform are themselves dying or dead authorities, with examples like; “Every black’ning Church appalls”, and “And the hapless Soldier’s sigh Runs in blood down Palace walls.”  There is no safety.

In modern literature, this gut check for a city reminds me of the character named Rorschach who was a washed up Super Hero from The Watchmen graphic novel by Alan Moore.   It is a set piece in 1985 during the cold war, and contained journal entries from his observations.  At one point he observes the aftermath and evidence of a car peeling out on top of a dog and the blood in the gutter, and goes on to embellish that the gutters were bursting with violence and blood, and equates whores to politicians, and remarks how the filth is overwhelming.  Rorschach said that one day they would cry out to him for help, and that he would answer; “No.”  This is a great parallel to that time and attitude displayed by Blake.  There is no place to hide from Nuclear weapons and fallout, and crime being rampant in the inner city, with no hope in sight, humanity loses a sense of itself, and becomes a beast of burden in an uncaring world.

            It seems as if, in this poem, Blake was observing every station a person has in life, and how the vile and corrupt city touched even the most innocent, from infants, to working class chimney-sweepers, to those in the hierarchy of royalty and the church.  The most innocent things one could conceive at that time such as the purity of an innocent child, or Newlyweds and the flowering of new love in a chaste marriage go on to be dragged through the street and equated with decay, suffering and death.  It is as if anything good at all will not escape being sullied by sadness as illustrated by tears, or physical discomfort and weakness, and even if the body were free of the plagues of the unclean things in the city, the people’s minds are manacled and imprisoned in thought as well as in their prison of filth.

            When compared to Ode to a Nightingale (Keats page 1031) we at least have a comparison of a lost youth and vitality.  Language and style of poetry are markedly different, but Keats romanticizes even death, and there is at least a person who lived, and life falls away with the passage of time.  The people observed in the city in Blake’s “London” come from uncaring man-made misery, and continue in that misery until death.  There was no glimmer of hope to be found, even by the most vital and optimistic Marriage.  A Marriage doomed to death and destruction by plague.

            Having this work out in the open during the romantic period of poetry, must have stood in stark contrast to the love poems being generated constantly.  It seems as if the poem was almost like the emergence of reality television in the 1990’s.  Where reality television was a breaking of the fourth wall, and an example of how everything else is just acting, Blake’s poem seems to say; “You are all wasting your time sniffing cut and dying flowers while you are buried up to your shoulders in the fecal matter that is London.”  It could be considered a call to each Englishman to stop living in a fantasy world, and get real, and fix things that need fixing.

            Gone were the days when the church was unquestioned, and when the crown was absolute authority.  When Blake wrote “London”, the English had put a century between themselves and Regicide as well as the unwieldy rule of Oliver Cromwell.  Continued failure by King and Church had put the country in a downward spiral.  The industrial revolution was just about to begin, but London itself was a “wretched hive of scum and villainy” (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope).  Blake would likely have hoped that this poem would be a call to arms to begin cleaning up London, cleaning up after repeated military blunders of the American Revolution and the constant military stress of the other English colonies, finally pushing England into poverty.  The line; “And the hapless Soldier’s sigh”, we can seek that Blake’s picture of the military was less than complimentary, but also implies the weariness of a misused military, and how the sighs of discontent and weariness are met with the walls of the Palace.  This is a picture of soldiers who are impotent to affect change, and meandering without real purpose.

 It was likely important to impart a vivid inspirational illustration of the problems London and England faced, and it is doubtful that anyone could fully disagree with Blake.  It is Blake who is calling on the Victim to become the Victor, simply by putting down in words the vile nature of the people’s habitat.

            Despite Rorschach’s claim that he would not help mankind in their hour of need, and even knowing his disgust with what humanity had brought upon itself, when it came down to a choice between maintaining a lie regarding the designed death of millions to force humanity to unite, and facing death himself, Rorschach chose death over dishonesty and treachery.  It is impossible to know for sure what Blake thought might happen to him after his less than flattering description of The Church, and The Crown.  Blake was unafraid to call things as they were, and to show the ugly truth.  He had no fear when he wrote, and would have likely died for his craft.  Both situations are a picture of a man who is trying to call attention to a problem that is affecting everyone.  It is no misguided generality that is being directed toward the powers that be.  Blake indicts the morality of the people, true, but he also illustrates that the people of London are in need.  That the people of London are marked by woe and fear, and fear threat of imprisonment and threat of harsh judgment coupled with death.  Night is a terrifying time in London, and whatever occurs in darkness steals innocence and destroys the pure.

            The imagery presented is pointed and clear in Blake’s poem.  London’s description would make any tourist fear traveling there; much like the average American would have feared travelling to Moscow in the 1980’s.  In this case, Blake’s case was only a small part propaganda, and in large part a good way to tell Londoners to take a look in the mirror, and to see what they had become.  If that image spurred them to action, then so much the better and the future may not be as bleak as the lack of hope in the poem.

Of Philosophy and Education Technology

About a week ago I got a private message from someone on facebook.  It has been a while, but I wanted to think about it before I decided to address it in my blog.  I think it needs to be addressed because there are a ton of other parents, or single parents out there who have gone back to school.  Whether because of job loss, or a desire to improve themselves, they have taken steps to further their education and make a better life.

I have to hand it to the person who wrote to me and congratulate them on the effort to make me feel bad about my choices.  It was lengthy and while their logic was flawed, it seemed sincere.  Were it not for all of the misspelled words and grammatical errors, it would have been a bit more cohesive, but I'll give their letter to me a C for effort.
 
They will remain nameless (dont' ask), and the post was deleted.  It was an accusation that by going to school, and by using financial aid, and other assistance, that I was bilking the system, and was accused of using "welfare" instead of working my butt off to make the bulk of my money.

Being a part of the Metropolitan Community College has some great benefits.  The support has been great so far, and while there were a few hiccups here and there, I'm still very thankful for everything.

Where else but a college atmosphere like my campus can you get Panera bagels n' stuff delivered weekly, have tons of activities to do, be a part of an amazing campus, help others in the community, have an opportunity to earn money, have access to knowledge worldwide through professional and periodical databases, have universal internet access, meet motivated intelligent people, get a great education, and still have time to relax once in a while.  I'm just feeling very fortunate and blessed.

I guess today as I was getting ready to go back to class on Monday, it occurred to me that when you are given an opportunity to improve yourself, and to enjoy doing so, you should not carry with it any guilt whatsoever.  We all strive to make a better life for ourselves and those we love.  If I can accomplish this task, with our without help from whatever source, and if I can be happy doing it, I should not feel bad because I'm not out there laboring hard to achieve the same goal.  Am I choosing an easy path?  Well possibly, but truly this is the only path available to me to achieve my ultimate goal, to be a teacher.

The one thing that person (or people) does not understand is that I worked in a service industry.  I worked for two years in Customer Service, and before that as a Lab Technician, and after that as a Pharmacy Tech.  In any of those jobs I had, the only way to rise higher, or get paid more was to go back to school.  That has been the case pretty much since I was much younger, left the fast food industry or labor jobs, and moved on to clerical work, for which I had earned a certificate at a college.  Without any sort of degree there are limitations to what you can accomplish in the fields I have worked in office environments.  More importantly, those jobs were tedious, and were stressful to the point that they were beginning to cause real issues.  I had a choice after losing one of those jobs.  I could reinvent myself in another industry, outside the service and clerical or medical field, and get a job doing something totally different, or I could go back to school, and get a degree in something I knew I would be very good at.  I tried other paths, and they didn't work for me, so this time I chose to do both.

I could have kept working dead end jobs, or really busting my butt in places I don't want to be, doing things I don't want to do, and who knows, maybe I'd even eventually bring home a giant paycheck.  That kind of money wouldn't be worth the paper it's printed on, at least to me.  My goals and desires mean much more to me that material things and money.  That hard and stressful job seems just as unrewarding to me as some consider my path to be.  It may boil down to the fact that some people truly enjoy struggling and laboring hard to get what they want, doing things they don't like.  In their mind, if you're not working, you're just a lazy layabout with no focus or goal in life, and no purpose. Well more power to them, you keep that hard stressful job that makes you feel important so you can look down on others.  Good for you!

Perhaps they get some sort of cathartic satisfaction out of that.  Maybe they are not able to achieve in academic ways, and that is their only choice.  Unfortunately many times these "hard workers" then feel entitled to look down on those who choose an academic path, and what they consider the easy way.  They enjoy poking fun at intellectual pursuits, or use of financial aid.  It becomes almost sort of a fun thing to poke fun or disrespect people who are trying to improve their lives by the means that suits them best.  I do not begrudge someone because they enjoy hard labor, and I have done quite a bit of it myself.  Why should I feel guilty for attempting to better myself through education and using the tools that are at my disposal to achieve my goals?

I know it was a bit redundant there, but I think it needed repeating.

The point is that it's up to me what to do with my life, and I'm not hurting anyone.  As a matter of fact my entire goal is to help people.  Why else would I volunteer to tutor people, work with kids who have no one to go home to, become a teacher who is going to educate the children of the very people who criticize my education and methods of getting it.  I was happy to add myself to the list of tutors in the English lab, and volunteer for Youth Friends.  I'm going to be working with kids for the rest of my life who need to know that it's not only OK, but it's good and preferable to stay in school and make a good life for themselves.  Is it because I'm applying for the things I qualify for while in school, like food stamps, or financial aid, or student loans?  Is it because I'm not laboring out in the hot sun, or sweating it out in some other job, and instead enjoying an air conditioned college atmosphere while I work and study?

I am very thankful I have this opportunity to achieve my goals.  Not everyone has this opportunity, and I get that.  If they think it's easy though, they had better look again.  Talk to Dr. Williams who teaches Psychology and Western Civilization at Maple Woods and ask him how easy his classes are, and how many hours of study per class hour you have to put in to make even a B in that class.  Talk to any college graduate and ask them how easy it was to get their degree, especially while raising a kid who is going through High School.  Sure we run a tight ship, and money is difficult at best, but we have an amazingly good life to show for it, and want for very little because to us, material things are less important than matters of spirit, and soul, and life, and fulfilling intellectual pursuits, and the relationships with the people around us who support us.  That's money right there in my book.

So to the person who wrote to me: I really am sorry that your life is not fulfilling enough to the point where you need to lash out at others.  I'm also sad that you cannot live and let others live as they would.  I'm sorry you feel that me taking advantage of social programs meant to help those working to improve their life is "taking advantage" of the system, or you, or other "hard working folks" in order to play and have fun.  I hope one day as I am teaching your child, or grandchild in school that you will realize that the teachers and the schools you value so much that benefit your family are here for you because of people like me.  It must be quite the luxury to sit back and judge others without having gone to college to get a degree in law yourself, or any degree for that matter.  My father was a businessman for the majority of my childhood.  While I have NEVER had trouble with the law or any sort of legal issues aside from traffic issues, I made poor choices that left me with jobs that put me below the poverty line while raising my child.  I devoted my life to making sure his was a good one instead of pursuing my own dreams.  He is now a 4.0 student, earning college credit right along side me as a Junior in High School, and has a bright future that will likely outshine the businessman that my father was, and he will accomplish leaps and bounds above what I will be able to do.  My son's life has shown me that I am an excellent teacher.  That is my best destiny, and I can be the best at that job.  Does it not make sense that I use the aid available to me to achieve my goals now so that I am not a burden on you "hard workers" later on?  I paid into these programs as much as anyone, and I am using that investment now to make a better life for what will likely be thousands of students for the next 20 to 30 years.  If you want to pick on me for that, you had better be able to deal with my friends and family, because they see the difference it is making in all of our lives even one semester after returning to school.  Three years from now I'll be teaching with a Bachelor's degree, and making a difference in the lives of children.  Can you make a boast even remotely as important?

Box of Chocolates

Life and writing are like a box of chocolates.

I started chapter 3 of my novel and as I got into it more and more, the creation of this world setting I'm creating came to life.  I made notes while brainstorming here and there, just little ideas, and it's almost like everything that has come to me in regard to this story and the setting is coming together.  The separate ideas and machinations are all flowing together into a tapestry with a life of its own.  I couldn't be more pleased.  I hope it sounds as good to others as it does to me once it is finished.

After the storm last night, I imagine that the pool water this afternoon is going to be just as frigid or worse than yesterday.  I don't imagine it will warm beyond the cold that it is until at least Friday.  That much water takes a while to warm up.  I will say that once you swim in cold water, the air temperature feels good and doesn't make you cold when you get out of the pool.  It's quite the opposite when the water is warm and the air is cool.  Maybe this time I'll even bring a towel.

I have a few little philosophy books that arrived for the new semester.  I'm thinking I may read ahead, even though I am not sure what to read first.  It could be something interesting even if it's not something I'll be taking notes on eventually.

Yesterday was my "Houston, we have a problem" on getting back to school next week.  I have a tire that is super bare on the outside corner and WAY out of balance.  I'm not sure what to do to get it to last just a few weeks longer until I can afford to have it fixed properly with a replacement.  I will have to come up with a solution in the next couple of days because I'll have to get it fixed right away if I'm to drive to the Blue River campus twice weekly.  It's crunch time, so something had better fall into place soon.

There has been a lot of turmoil of late, and some of it has stayed under wraps for the most part.  Eventually I may talk more about it.  That means 'do not ask please'.  The point is, up to this point everything has been made more difficult, especially through finals.  I think that I've moved beyond my initial difficulty and my coping skills kicked in nicely, so things are back to normal now and the additional stress has ebbed away into something like normal background noise.  Once upon a time if things proved difficult in this way, or if I had a major problem (crisis level or not), I would make things worse for myself, and it would become a crisis, and then there would be a depressive state.  Maturity and a greater understanding of the world around me has allowed me to change the way I handle events in life.  It is a HUGE relief to know a better path compared to what was an unhealthy way of dealing with things.  I appreciate the small and good things in life too much to let the bad things get to me.

T-minus 1 week till Summer Classes

     I've been trying to squeeze some enjoyment out of the weekend, and have been somewhat successful in that regard.  I felt good about playing Bocce Ball.  Not only did I play pretty well as usual, but it was quite the workout.  Today my back has hurt all day, and last night I felt abs and other muscles I haven't used (but probably should have) in quite a while.  Many good ouches.  My Brother Mike who does Insanity, and did P-90X, and has started working big time with his 53 pound Kettelbell also had a sore back, so I know I'm in good company, though I'm not nearly as in shape, not remotely.
     We started 2 more gallons of mead today.  One has 3 sticks of cinnamon and a vanilla bean in it.  It's got way more bubbles than the other batches, but it is bubbling along well right along side the other batches.  Our first 4.5 gallons should be ready to siphon off in a couple of weeks at most into new gallon jugs.  At that time fermentation will be mostly done and it will have its full alchohol content.  From then on it's all about quality and clarity.
     I was here in Excelsior Springs all day, and so was not able to hit the pool.  It's just as well because I needed a day of recovery after six hours of Bocce yesterday.  Tomorrow the pool should be a reasonable temperature, so it will be much more pleasant.  I've been thinking about the amount of time to spend in the pool.  Michael Phelps spends (or spent) six hours a day in the pool.  I was thinking that if I could at least do 2 to 4 hours a day swimming that it would go a long way toward my goal of being in much better shape by the end of Summer.  If finances allow, at that time I will try to join the YMCA or something so that I can continue to swim.  I doubt I'll do a full 4 hours tomorrow as I have many chores to complete that were started previously, but I think overshooting my goal each time should be my state of mind.
     I am also writing my book again.  I went back and did an edit of Chapter 2 because there were problems with levels of Hierarchy that just didn't roll off the tongue nicely.  I was inspired by a friend recently and reminded that people are waiting to read what I have, and are awaiting the next chapter.  That inspiration was perfectly timed, and I'll be working on that when I'm not swimming tomorrow.  Probably late in the evening.
     Tonght I'm having a lovely Chicken Roast dish, and watching Angel with Mike and Jenn before we head home late late tonight.  I hope everyone had a great Holiday weekend so far.

Small Break

I'm kind of disappointed in the 3.0 GPA for this past semester.  I'm going to be doing some spring cleaning this week, and prepping for the new semester.  I want to be ready and even more organized and prepared, and work harder for Summer and Fall classes.  I'll start getting student loans in the fall... I worry about doing it, but things cannot proceed without them without great sacrafice.
Mead making commenced Saturday as I helped my Brother set up the first 4.5 gallons of mead.  Although it will likely be the new year, or this time next year before it's ready, we'll add every 6 weeks give or take so that there won't be any more major waiting after the first batch.  It will be great for bonfires, BBQ's and music that we do from time to time.  It's quite an education, but easier than I imagined, at least so far.
This weekend the swimming pool opens.  It will be the beginning of my earnest effort to get great exercise for my body in addition to what my mind will be getting.  "Pain does not exist in this dojo, fear does not exist in this dojo."
It will be important to NOT consider anything but success and the right behavior.  If I let my mind stray, I am giving myself a chance for failure.  I need a zero percent chance of failure and to not consider anything else.  They asked Alexander the Great why he decided to invade Persia.  They had him outnumbered 10 to 1 and had a HUGE Empire.  The fact was, Alexander never considered not invading, so there was no question when the opportunity presented itself, and he succeeded.  That's the way I want to be about this swimming exercise. 
I appreciate you who read my blog and the encouragement I recieve online and off.  It helps more than you  might imagine.

English as an Official Language - Essay

English: The Tower of Babel Rebuilt

            According to The Bible, the book of Genesis describes the building of the Tower of Babel which was meant to reach Heaven.  God looked down on this feeble attempt as arrogance, and an attempt by man to reach godhood.  He destroyed the Tower of Babel and confused the languages of Men so that they could not cooperate in their arrogance to attempt such a feat again.  We can glean from this story that a common language has power, and that this was the birthplace of all languages that exist or did exist.  Considering the studies of linguists worldwide, this story is as good an explanation as any for the origin of different languages, because language is an unresolved mystery.  English, one could assume, has always been one of the world languages.  It has changed by region, mixed with other languages, been added to, subtracted from, given accent, and new meaning throughout history.  English is a living language, and so what it is today will continue to evolve.  According to Robert McCrum in his book "Globish" Mandarin is spoken by twice as many people as English (McCrum pg. 5), yet the awareness of the English language, and the desire to speak English has spread worldwide.  One could make a logical assumption that since the English language has already accomplished so much, and traveled so far, and has such great importance worldwide, that it is pointless to make English the official language of the country of largest English speaking population in the world.  We should not make English the official language of the United States because it is an outmoded concept, and demonstrates that those who wish to designate English as an official language likely have an ulterior or malevolent motive.

            Many countries around the world have legislated an official language.  In some cases legislation is created to preserve a language, like the official language created in New Zealand for those few who speak the declining Māori language.  In the case of India there were so many languages spoken that the government needed to make many official languages to make sure everyone had equal access to important information, so the mandate was written into their constitution.  Both of these reasons make sense, but are not necessary.  New Zealand could have provided funding and support for a dying or minority language without legislating it as an official language.  By comparison, preservation of Native American languages doesn't seem to be a priority in the United States, but it should be.  India is a larger country, and there is a caste system with many prejudices and divisions, so in some ways making languages official makes some sense, but the support for these languages and ensuring that information is in the right hands might have been done without official declarations in their constitution. 

Legislation of an official language is not always benevolent or beneficial.  "Scratch most nationalist movements and you find a linguistic grievance." (King Pg. 534)  Nationalism is like a teenage girl with a new Stepmother.  The fear is so great that the child will lose their identity and that the new Stepmother will take over their position in the household that they must act out.  Those who attempt to legislate English as an official language in the United States are so afraid of the quick increase in the Hispanic population, and the propagation of the Spanish language, that they feel threatened.  The attempt at national language legislation seems to be an uneducated knee jerk reaction, and an act of Nationalism that has no benevolent or beneficial purpose.

            English is already an international language, so to declare it as an official language in the United States seems redundant.  India, among many other countries, conducts its parliament and writes its  laws in English.  You can find English spoken more or less in over 100 regions and countries worldwide. (Nations Online)  The international financial world is based on the U.S. dollar and therefore much of the world of finance is conducted in the English language. While native languages are used in the U.N. as a matter of national pride, there are very few representatives that need a translator for English speakers.  That is a complete change compared to all of the translators used fifty years ago.  The

World Court

is conducted in English.  Robert McCrum states "The spread of the world's English in sport, advertising, films, tourism and international finance continues to enjoy a supranational momentum."  He points out that there is no translation for brand names, and coined the term "Globish" which refers to things that have the same translation in every language.  English is bleeding into the international community quickly because we are all consumers.  It is the most unprecedented proliferation of language in the history of the world. 

            The desire for the language of English has been great in many places around the world.  It has created trends and commercial opportunities around the world.  You can see some of the failed translations on products at the Engrish.com website.  Engrish refers to those attempts at English that miss the mark in accuracy, but still create some entertaining alternatives and meanings.  It's good to have a sense of humor about mistakes in the English language because even in this country new and interesting ways of using the language have humorous outcome.  The important thing to take away from all of the humor and fun with the language is that despite failed attempts, there is a strong desire for English.  A Japanese boy or girl may buy a shirt with English words on it, not even knowing what it says, just because it is in English.  The language becomes trend, becomes a consumed product, and becomes an icon.  It's this kind of international pop-culture phenomenon that sends a strong message that we need not fear for our language.  English is still growing as a language.  It may eventually combine with many other languages in many different ways, but the basic English we all use, with all of its grammar, punctuation and spelling will always be alive.  In the book Origins of the Specious: Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language, Patricia T. O'Conner said: "The truth is that English is all about change.  It's as absorbent as a sponge, as flexible as a rubber band, and it simply won't stand still - no matter where it's spoken... English is too ungovernable and too, well, democratic.  Rival words and usages are allowed to fight it out."  With such a mutable language that is constantly changing, a law making English the official language may be outdated eventually by virtue of the fact that it may be a different language entirely before this country is a millennium old.

            If we made English the official language of the United States, the growing Spanish speaking community would want us to have two official languages, and they would be justified considering the growing Hispanic population.  Instead of making English the official language, the government could think more about supporting adult education and English as a second language (ESL). Charles Krauthammer in his essay: In Plain English: Let's Make It Official said: "No immigrant presumes to make the demand that the state grant special status to his language.  He may speak it in the street and proudly teach it to his children, but he knows that his future and certainly theirs lie inevitably in learning English as the gateway to American life."  There are so many applicants to work toward a G.E.D. and becoming educated in the English language that the districts nationwide who have these programs are turning people away daily and creating waiting lists.  Instead of increasing funding, or creating more opportunities for people to learn English in this way, the U.S., State, and local governments have cut staff and classrooms.  These Adult Education centers have been forced to take fewer students due to the cuts.  It doesn't take official language legislation to support those trying to learn the language.  It is time for appropriate legislation to support the people who need services related to learning English.

            There is no surprise that the legislative branch of the U.S. Government would waste its time on something as petty as what our official language is.  Legislation has been introduced that is both strange and frivolous.  It's one thing to be a student and introduce pieces of legislation "that legalized state sponsored cannibalism because capitol punishment was too wasteful", or "that would abolish all evil lawn gnomes and their pink flamingo compatriots." (Forensics Online Forum)  Sadly our U.S. government representatives or state governments have not fared much better in many legislative pieces.  There are pieces of state legislation that ban bear wrestling, ban flicking boogers into the wind, and make it illegal to make a false promise.  Some of the funding that the U.S. Government has approved for strange research projects is downright embarrassing.  Making the English language the official language seems just as frivolous as many of State and local examples, but in the wrong hands it could be used as a tool for discrimination or a return to the ideology of Nativism.  Raymond Tatalovich, political science professor at Loyola University of Chicago believed that declaring English as an official language was definitely Nativism.  Ronald H. Baylor spoke about Tatalovich in The Journal of American Ethnic History:  "English is by definition a nativist. Nevertheless, with a few exceptions, he finds no basis either anecdotal or statistical to call today's pro-official English advocates bigots and racists. To do so, he states, requires a leap of faith, especially since their position makes sense to most Americans." 

We speak words in America that come from many different languages.  This is what happens when a living language comes into contact with another living language.  If Singapore is any example, it doesn't matter what language strong governments or rulers try to impose on their people.  Singapore is a hodge-podge mixture of languages.  Despite attempts to force English and Mandarin languages on the population, they primarily use "Singlish" which is a mixture of Mandarin and English, with a few words from other languages thrown in.  (McCrum)

            Some suggest that we could be looking at long term dangers if we do not make English our official language.  They point to the Balkanization in the Shatterbelt.  Countries, and towns whose cultures are separated by language.  Each language spoken in the Balkan region has become a strong and inseparable part of their identity.  This has led to violence, attempted genocide, and the forming and reforming of nations over hundreds of years.    In answer, we can look at the facts in this country, and how all of the different races and languages seen throughout the mass migration to this country have combined into the America we know.  Senator S. I. Hayakawa talked in his essay "The Case for Official English" of the play "The Melting Pot" and quotes from it:  "...in your fifty groups with your fifty languages and histories, and your fifty blood hatreds and rivalries, but you won't be long like that, brothers, for these are the fires of God you've come to... A fig for your feuds and vendettas!  German and Frenchman, Irishman and Englishman, Jews and Russians - into the Crucible with you all!  God is making the American." (Language Loyalties pg. 96)  Evidence 103 years after those words were first spoken on stage, it appears that indeed the peoples mentioned have held on to the roots of their culture, but are inherently American people first.  It is possible that cultures need no longer melt and coalesce on the same level as those early immigrants.  The groundwork has been laid over time to allow predjudices to diminish with each generation.  It is unlikely that what happened in the Balkan region would happen here.

Eventually many languages may be pervasive in this country.  It is easy to imagine Chinese being spoken by as many people as English in the future worldwide.    In the imaginings of Joss Whedon, he visualized a future where we colonized another solar system.  The two primary languages spoken on the colonized worlds of that system were English and Mandarin.  The scripts were written in a way that demonstrated that certain Mandarin words were used mid-sentence while speaking English.  It demonstrates how the two languages mixed over 500 years.  Today that linguistic scenario is completely plausible considering the continued rise of China as a superpower.

            In a recession or any difficult financial time, bilingual language speakers are valuable in the U.S.  We are becoming primarily service oriented as a country, in a consumer driven society.  With the growth of the Hispanic community, most service related companies pay a premium for bilingual workers.  Some writers on the subject suggest that not knowing a second language is socially inefficient.  David E. Bloom and Gilles Grenier in their essay "Economic Perspectives on Language: The Relative Value of Bilingualism in Canada and the United States" said: "Absent other considerations, it would be proper for this type of social inefficiency to be  corrected by the government... regulations designed to encourage... additional language skills..."

One thing is for sure, the English language benefits despite the economy as it continues to spread across the globe.  "Recession may slow the expansion of the global economy, but it will have little or no impact on  the world's linguistic transactions which, facilitated by technology, will continue to expand exponentially.  (McCrum)

            It is difficult to imagine, but with the increase in technology, and the world seeming smaller as we communicate without delay, we may one day trim the fat of all languages, and thousands of years from now, all speak a common language.  People may choose an identity that is common to all men instead of clinging to their deserted language island.  One world language in some far flung future may accomplish things that no country or region of the world could ever achieve on their own.  Many cultures have a lot of catching up to do to make this idea a reality, but it is not beyond imagining. 

            Considering how languages are combining with increasing speed and regularity, it may be more wise to spend our time and money preserving languages that are in danger of extinction for the purposes of cultural heritage, instead of promoting English as an official language.  In the journal: "Language Policy, Language Education, Language Rights: Indigenous, Immigrant, and International Perspectives" Nancy H. Hornberger points out that "The Pan South African Language Board, mandated by the constitution and established in 1996, is charged with the responsibility for promoting multilingualism... (including) development of other languages used by communities in South Africa..."  Something like this could easily be modified to help preserve and appreciate dying or endangered languages.

            The Tower of Babel is being rebuilt word by word.  It is imperative we allow freedom to reign supreme in the world of language so that we are an example to others.  Patricia T. O'Connor said: "Someday the old meanings of 'ironic' and 'unique' and the rest will no doubt be lost forever, mere footnotes in the history of English.  Perhaps in trying to keep them alive, I'm the one who's nurturing myths.  My mind tells me we can't save them, but my heart won't let them go."  We are on a path to new horizons in our language, it has been official for a long time.  Let's be stronger than our fear and put the official language debate to rest.

Bibliography

McCrum, Robert. Globish: How the English Language Became the World's Language. New         York: W.W. Norton &, 2010. Print.

Crawford, James. Language Loyalties: a Source Book on the Official English Controversy.            Chicago: University of Chicago, 1992. Print.

            Hayakawa, S.I. Senator, "The Case for Official Language" 1985, pages 94-100

            Bloom, David E, and Grenier, Gilles "Economic Perspectives on Language: The Relative

            Value of Bilingualism in Canada and the United States" 1992, pages 445-451

Eschholz, Paul A., Alfred F. Rosa, and Virginia P. Clark. Language Awareness. New York, NY: St. Martin's, 1990. Print.

            King, Robert D.: "Should English Be the Law?" pages 529-538

            Krauthammer, Charles: "In Plain English: Let's Make It Official" pages 539-541

O'Conner, Patricia T., and Stewart Kellerman. Origins of the Specious: Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language. New York: Random House, 2009. Print.

Nancy H. Hornberger: Language in Society, Vol. 27, No. 4 (Dec., 1998), pp. 439-458 Published   by: Cambridge University Press; Article Stable URL:            http://www.jstor.org/stable/4168870

Ridge, Martin. "Nativism Reborn? The Official English Language Movement and the American   States." Journal of American Ethnic History 16.n1 (Fall 1996): 99(2). Academic           OneFile. Gale. Metropolitan Community College. 28 Apr. 2011 
            http://165.173.252.121:2279/gtx/start.do?prodId=AONE&userGroupName=morekcmetro            ccpv

Nations Online Project :: A Destination Guide to Countries and Nations of the World. Web. 13      May 2011. <http://www.nationsonline.org/>.

Engrish.com. Web. 13 May 2011. <http://www.engrish.com/>.

ForensicsOnline: Where Youth Have a Voice - Home. Web. 13 May 2011. <http://www.forensicsonline.net/>.